Dear Motorola DnG

Dear Motorola DnG,

You have always been my favourite since your first launching. Your sleek thin metal gold design always awes me every time I look at your picture. Last Sunday, you were given to me by a special person who is very close to my heart. Honestly, I couldn't resist you when you're already in my hand. I was both surprised and speechless back then.

But... i have to bring my senses back to reality. I don't deserve you. I really don't. I know this person (let me call him Mr. X) loves me and cherish me as if I'm the most precious being in this world, and yet at the same time, he hates me and makes me feel that I'm the most evil being, stupid person and a person with no values. Why? Because I couldn't give my love to him in return.

I know that my current relationship is not like romeo and juliet or love stories, but I always wish and work hard so that things will improve between me & mr.OC. Honestly, we still have lots to learn from one another. I'll tolerate and stay, until the point that my heart couldn't take it anymore. All I have to say, is that, i've tried... But that's another story and issue.. The point is, it doesn't mean I'd throw my 5 years relationship just because mr. x or other people could provide me with the things that lacks in my relationship and be presented with expensive gifts or dinner. I never ask or expect any of it.

Even though he says he didn’t expect anything or something in return when he gave me the special gift, but as a normal human being, anybody would think he actually is. One minute he treats me like an angel, and another minute, he says things that belittling me and make me feel guilty of all the things that had happened. What should I do?

From the start, I could not accept the gift, but he insisted saying that it is only a gift. A gift from a friend. He also told me that the gift is made for a special person such as I am and he just want to see me happy.

The next day, he couldn't even smile at me. Wondering why, I asked if he was O.K. He said he needs to be alone. He also mentioned that the gift was actually the 'last' gift and the 'last' dinner that he will ever give me. I felt confuse. Confuse and hurt at the same time. I'm speechless and don't know what and how to feel. What had happened? One minute he was so nice, and the next minute, he is very cold. What happen to the person that I really cherish all these while, for being a good friend, and a very caring person who treats me like how I’ve been longing to be treated all these while?

He makes me feel guilty with his words even though all these while I've been trying to work things out and makes him understand. I guess it's all too late now; that whatever I'm doing always ended up making him feel more suffer than otherwise. Why? Because he still cannot get my love in return. Who to blame right now? Religion? Family expectations and background? or... Was it me for being nice all these while? Sometimes, i feel it's wrong for being nice to everybody, and it's also wrong to treat other people bad. My honest approach had been misunderstood completely. Now, I am more confused...

He doesn't want you back, DnG... He says, if I don't want to use you, it is OK for me to give you to somebody else, coz he won’t take whatever gifts that he had given to other people. Now, you tell me. Should I start using you or not? One of my friends says, I'll be a bitch with no shame to use you, but at the same time, I'll be the most stupid person if I don’t use you. Then? What next? What should I do to you? Now, I feel even guiltier.

I didn’t ask you to be bought as a gift by someone who's really into me knowing that it just won’t work out. I plan to purchase you when it is the right time. I didn’t expect you to appear on my lap out of the blue..

Now, your image has changed completely. Whether I use you or not, you will only remind me of the good and bad moments about him. You will only make me feel guilty every time I see you.

I'm sorry DnG. I won't use you, and I will not purchase you in the future. Honestly, your image and quality to me has been spoilt completely by the situation. It's neither your fault nor anybody. I just blame the situation.